Have you ever felt you were the core of the problem?

Torpedoes are dropping out of the sky and you’re the one that dropped them?

The difficulties that arise around you, through groups of friends that were good to begin with. Its over exhilarating. Saddening. And completely unorthodox.

I can’t imagine the pain and anguish this year as put through so many lives. It has made it great, and has shown a lot of people experiences, but at the same time screwed over people who weren’t ready for it.

People too young, and happy. At the core of their teenage years, and some how I seemed to screw them up along with myself. I feel in the bottomless pit of my stomach the feeling of overwhelming grief for those who got pushed into a path that they weren’t ready for. Just too feel something new, and cool, but weren’t yet ready for the responsibilities that arise along with it.

Drug rehab, Deporting, being taken away from lovers and friends, withdraws, and depression.

That and the people that were left here without them. To look back at the beginning we were all just a couple kids fucking around. Innocence surrounded us. Now its different, and out of control.

If I could I would seriously take it all away. Just all of it, no matter how many good experiences ran from these lines of memories. I would rather be house held, anti-social, and depressed than have the world around me crash.

This is the point in the story where I would rather read a page in a journal and head back in time just to kill myself in the womb rather than have it appear as if everything is alright.

I am one of the surviving few. The only reason is, is because my parents are in denial. These beautiful overwhelmingly intelligent people, with exocentric personalities are now hard and steady and so rock solid you feel as if they’ve changed everything.

The ways they try and treat them makes them have the feeling they have no way to control themselves.

How can it be, that in a government that explodes over the smallest things that I disagree with entirely….I want to be apart of.

Maybe I feel as if I can change it, and not ruin the twinkle in the eye of a young teen who hasn’t even committed the least of a crime that as gone on. I don’t know, but I sure as hell wish I did.